The Meaning of Willpower: Time for a Fresh Perspective?

For many, willpower feels as elusive as a unicorn. With more self-control, we'd easily stick to our plans, choosing healthy snacks, frequenting the gym, and avoiding indulgences like alcohol or cake. Procrastination would vanish, and our savings would grow. We'd achieve our goals with pride. It's a compelling vision, but perhaps it's time to reconsider this perspective?

Indulgence and guilty pleasures: Is willpower making us eat more? (Pexels, Valeriya Kobzar)

When we talk about willpower, or a lack of it, we often end up confessing when we talk about having that extra glass of wine or piece of cake. Mentioning a lazy weekday morning feels like admitting something too. These little indulgences we even call guilty pleasures, highlighting just how much we value self-control. Willpower is seen as a big deal, and without it, we might feel or be seen as weak or immature, both by ourselves and others. Isn't that a bit strange, or unfounded, when you think about it?

A whimsical snack container by Bright Side, labelled "Because I Have No Willpower," designed to securely lock away tempting treats. Has the time come for a new angle on this?

Marshmallows: Willpower is the Thing

Back in 1970, the Marshmallow Experiment showed that willpower plays a big role in personal success. They tested kids by offering them a treat, and then checked out how they were doing later in life. Turns out, the kids who could hold off on eating the treat ended up being more successful adults.

So, the experiment really highlighted what willpower is all about. Liad Uziel from Bar Ilan University's psychology department in Israel mentioned in 'The Intricacies of the Pursuit of Higher Self-Control' that boosting self-control in kids and adults is often suggested as a fix for many of society's problems. Uziel also found that self-control is such a popular trait that it’s become widely recognised by everyone. "Increasing self-control among children and adults has been advocated as a remedy to many of society’s illnesses," he wrote in the paper.

"Increasing self-control among children and adults has been advocated as a remedy to many of society’s illnesses."

What’s So Good About Self Control Anyway

But, not everyone thinks the meaning of willpower is all that great. Uziel himself is one of the growing number of people who have a different take on it. In his research paper, he points out that willpower and self-control have their downsides, which people often overlook. For example, there's the whole mess of 'wanting' something but 'not having it.' Trying to have more self-control can actually stress us out and kill our motivation.

"There's the whole mess of 'wanting' something but 'not having it.' Trying to have more self-control can actually stress us out and kill our motivation."

Willpower, Schmwillpower!

There's another paper titled "What's So Great About Self-Control?" that too offers a refreshing take. The authors, Marina Milyavskaya from Carleton University and Michael Inzlicht from the University of Toronto, essentially talk about a bunch of tests that showed trying hard to resist or control temptations didn't really help people reach their goals. That, whilst people often believe that self-control is the secret to hitting personal goals, studies have found that focussing too much on self-control doesn't actually help us achieve them at all.

In fact, more and more media outlets are now highlighting that self-control isn't the secret to a good life. Some even say it's a myth that can actually hold us back from personal success. The biggest myth about willpower, writes for instance ABC News, may be that we never have enough of it.

"The biggest myth about willpower, may be that we never have enough of it."

The More we Resist the More it Persists?

We can all relate to the downside of willpower. The harder we try to control something, the more we end up doing it! As the saying goes: The more we resist, the more it persists. When we try to eat, drink, or smoke less, we often end up doing the opposite. Then, to top it all off, we feel like we've failed. It's a cycle that just keeps going. This never-ending loop is well-known in the diet world, and some experts even say that willpower is a diet myth that keeps the industry alive.

Adorable pug staring longingly at a tempting lemon meringue pie, showcasing impressive willpower and restraint (image Wix).

The Dark Side

Some experts, like Uziel, have noticed that sometimes having self-control can come with a selfish side in us. Or that sometimes, it might bring out an even darker side in us. We saw this darker side during the Stanley Milgram Shock Experiment in the 1960s. In the test, participants were led to believe that an authority figure was asking them to inflict pain on someone else. To follow these instructions, they needed a lot of willpower, and surprisingly, they were quite willing to go pretty far! A similar connection between obedience and willpower was shown in a fake French TV game show called La Zone Xtrême in 2010. It seems like the more willpower we have to use, the meaner we can get.

"It seems like the more willpower we have to use, the meaner we can get."

Would You Like Some Nuance With That?

More and more people are catching on that willpower is more complicated than it seems, that it's more nuanced than we'd like to think. Sometimes, people around us are good at skipping extra cookies just because they don't like them. So there's no reason to feel weak compared to them. Or maybe we picked up our dislike for exercise from our parents, so we can stop blaming ourselves. The author of 'Willpower Doesn't Work: Discover the Hidden Keys to Success;' Benjamin Hardy, suggests we should focus on shaping our environment instead to help us out. By changing our surroundings, we can better support our goals. Let's face it, today's world is packed with temptations and quick fixes.

The Meaning of Willpower: Time to Discover Our Own Path?

When we think about how to use the meaning of willpower to our advantage, why not set ourselves up for success and try and skip the biscuit aisle during our next grocery run? Or, instead of labelling something we love as a guilty pleasure, let's choose to simply enjoy it, so our hidden cravings don't overwhelm us and make us desire it even more? Or, whatever floats our boat.

More and more people are discovering their own quirky methods that actually work for them when it comes to the meaning of willpower. Instead of relying on the all-or-nothing superpower of willpower just because everyone says it's the bee's knees, why not find what tickles our own fancy?

And maybe it's time to leave willpower behind, like the mythical pot of honey at the end of the rainbow, because let's face it, we might never get there anyway.